if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
