Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
