We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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