ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
