She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
