So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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