I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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