Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
