I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
