Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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