I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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