Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I love having hate sex.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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