I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
