guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
