Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We need a shit load of segways right now
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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