My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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