just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
