I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
