There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
