i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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