apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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