at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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