How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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