Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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