I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize