i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
