North Korea, Best Korea!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
