I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
