Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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