Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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