Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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