if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
tell your sister to shave her snatch
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
They left me at home... I'm a liability
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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