Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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