I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
