I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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