haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
