Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
