Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
