I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
we're so committed to being not committed
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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