i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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