I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
