i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
dude. I can hear the air.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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