I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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