ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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