You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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