remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
