I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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