He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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