and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the condom got lost in my hair
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
