Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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