My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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