NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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