he thought i was a dude.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
