If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
