okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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