the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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