he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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