Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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