somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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