Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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