Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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