I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
