i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
