I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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