I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
