I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
