Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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