We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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