so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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