blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
